apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
