She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
They took my balls.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
