Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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