If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
sarcasm needs its own font
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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