Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
