Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
