I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
