I need help removing her.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize