so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
