Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
