I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
