The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I have so many feelings about this burrito
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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