im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
