I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
