Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
