the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
