I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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