I'm so fucking centered right now
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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