I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
