It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
