the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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