Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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