in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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