Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
