Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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