It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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