I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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