I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
