I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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