My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
