absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
