why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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