you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Dick very happy bro
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
