you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
