going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I wear drunk well.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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