you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
