as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
