i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize