My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
