At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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