Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
