I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
