3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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