listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
