He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
