i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize