i permit you to call me
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
she pinky promised me she was 18
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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