Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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