my phone cant type all the emotion im having
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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