Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
