I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
