just come out here and I will go home with you...
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
