she woke up with a sticky ear
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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