Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
