and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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