If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Randomize
