its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
it's like heaven, but drunker
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize