I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
