you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
