Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
