my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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