im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
how drunk are you?
Several
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
