I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
false alarm. still invincible.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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