I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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