Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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