You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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