bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Randomize
