this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
