i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
