I wanna passion pit in your ass
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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