none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
