Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Randomize
