We left an ass print on the piano.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
