hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
