There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
