sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
