I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize