So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
