I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
