There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
